Can foster children contact their usual foster family during respite?

Contact between a child and their usual foster family can usually continue during respite, but it should be planned rather than assumed. The agreed arrangement should set out whether contact is appropriate, who will arrange it, how it will take place and what to do if the child becomes unsettled or no longer wishes to take part.

Respite is a temporary change of care, not necessarily a complete break from the child’s existing relationships. For some children, a familiar call or message helps them feel connected and reassured. For others, contact may make it harder to settle into the respite placement, particularly if they are anxious about leaving, have difficulty with transitions or feel responsible for their usual foster carers. The child’s response should guide the arrangement.

Possible forms of contact include:

• a telephone call or video call;
• messages, letters or photographs where this is suitable and safe;
• a planned visit in person; or
• contact arranged before respite begins and again after the child returns, without contact during the stay.

In-person contact is not automatically preferable to a call. A visit may provide reassurance, but it can also create a difficult goodbye or make the child feel that they are moving between two homes. The social worker, fostering agency, usual foster carers, respite carer and child should consider which option is least disruptive and most helpful in the circumstances.

Before respite starts, the adults involved should agree practical details in writing. These may include:

• the type of contact and the planned dates or times;
• whether the child, usual foster carer or respite carer will initiate it;
• how long calls or visits should last;
• where an in-person visit will take place and who will supervise it;
• which adults may communicate with one another about the child;
• how devices, messaging and social media will be managed; and
• who should be contacted if the arrangement needs to change.

The respite carer should know enough about the agreed plan to support the child without taking over the relationship. They can remind the child when a planned call is due, help them use a device and provide a calm space for communication. They should not promise extra calls, arrange unplanned visits or share information about the child with the usual foster family unless this is permitted within the agreed arrangements.

The usual foster family also needs to keep communication child-focused. A brief, reassuring conversation about the child’s day may be appropriate, while lengthy discussions about household problems, the respite arrangement or the child’s return can increase worry. Adults should avoid asking the child to keep secrets, choose between carers or provide information that has not been agreed for sharing.

Contact should be reviewed if the child becomes distressed before, during or after it. Signs might include withdrawing, becoming unusually agitated, refusing to return to the respite carer, sleep difficulties or repeatedly asking to end the placement. This does not automatically mean that contact should stop, but it does mean that the adults should speak with the social worker or supervising professional and consider changing the frequency, format or level of support.

Contact may need to be paused or limited where there is a safeguarding concern, a court or care-plan restriction, a risk of unauthorised information being shared, or evidence that communication is causing significant harm. Any decision should be explained to the child in language they can understand. If contact cannot take place, the child should be offered consistent reassurance and another safe way to express their feelings.

It is good practice to record significant contact, including whether it happened, how the child responded and any concerns raised. The record should be factual and shared through the agreed professional channels. Arrangements can then be reviewed during respite and used to inform future stays. The plan should also allow for ordinary changes, such as illness, travel problems or a child deciding that they do not want to speak on a particular occasion.

A foster child should not be made to feel that accepting or refusing contact will upset either family. Giving them a clear explanation of the plan, some appropriate choice and permission to talk honestly about their feelings helps adults distinguish between useful reassurance and contact that is adding pressure.