How can foster families prepare children already at home for respite care?

Preparing children already in the household for respite care is an ongoing process of helping them understand the arrangement, express their views and know what support is available, without making them responsible for the visiting child’s wellbeing. Their emotional readiness and sense of security should be considered before any respite placement is agreed.

Begin by finding out what each child understands about fostering and respite care. Younger children may need simple explanations and repeated reassurance, while teenagers may want more detail about privacy, communication and how the arrangement could affect family life. Avoid presenting respite care as a holiday, sleepover or something the visiting child can simply opt out of; explain that the child may have additional needs and could respond to unfamiliar situations in different ways.

• Explain the roles clearly: adults are responsible for care, supervision, safeguarding and communication with professionals. Children in the household are not expected to provide personal care, resolve disagreements or keep secrets.
• Discuss confidentiality: household members should not share the visiting child’s personal history, photographs or information about their circumstances with friends, relatives or online contacts. Explain that privacy rules protect everyone in the home.
• Talk about different reactions: the child staying may be quiet, unsettled, energetic, withdrawn or reluctant to join in. This behaviour should not automatically be interpreted as rudeness or rejection, and children at home should know they can speak to an adult if they feel uncomfortable.
• Make space for honest views: ask what they are looking forward to, what concerns them and what they need from the adults. Do not pressure them to sound positive or to welcome the arrangement in a particular way.

Children already at home should be involved in discussions about how the household will function, but they should not be given responsibility for deciding whether a placement is suitable. Their views form part of the wider assessment and planning process. The fostering household should share relevant concerns with the supervising social worker or fostering team before respite care begins, particularly if a child is anxious, has additional needs or has previously found changes at home difficult.

It can help to agree practical expectations in advance. These might include how shared spaces are used, how everyone asks before borrowing possessions, what happens if someone needs time alone and which adult to approach with a problem. Keep expectations fair and consistent rather than introducing rules that single out the visiting child. If there are pets, medication, gaming accounts, social media or activities involving particular safety risks, discuss these with the supervising adults and set appropriate safeguards before the placement starts.

Children at home may worry that adults will have less time for them or that family relationships will change. Reassurance is more effective when supported by specific plans. Agree how they can raise concerns privately, identify regular opportunities to talk and make sure they know that asking for help is acceptable. Adults should avoid making promises that every day will feel the same, as respite care can involve adjustments for everyone.

Prepare children for the possibility that the arrangement may not work exactly as expected. Plans can change if the visiting child’s needs develop, if professional advice changes or if someone in the household becomes distressed. Any significant concern should be taken to the supervising social worker or fostering team rather than handled by children themselves. Adults should record and report safeguarding concerns, unexplained injuries, threats, missing episodes or disclosures according to the household’s agreed procedures.

After the respite stay, allow time for children at home to talk about what happened without asking them to criticise the visiting child. Ask open questions such as what felt manageable, what was difficult and what should be considered before another arrangement. Look for changes in mood, sleep, behaviour, school engagement or relationships, and seek professional advice if concerns continue. Reviewing the experience helps adults decide whether further respite care is appropriate and what adjustments may be needed.

The fostering assessment and ongoing supervision should include the experiences of children already living in the home. A well-prepared household is not one in which nobody has concerns; it is one where concerns can be discussed safely, responsibilities are understood and adults act on information shared by every member of the family.