What should a foster child know before respite care?

Before respite care, a foster child should understand that it is a planned care arrangement, not a punishment or a consequence of something they have done. The adults involved should explain why it is being considered, what decisions have been made, and how the child’s views will be taken into account.

Children should be given information in a way that matches their age, understanding and communication needs. Younger children may need simple explanations and repeated reassurance, while older children and teenagers may want more detail about the reason for the arrangement, how long it is expected to last and what will happen during that period. It is reasonable for a child to ask the same question more than once as they process the change.

A foster child should know that having mixed feelings is normal. They may feel curious, worried, angry, relieved or unsettled, sometimes all at once. They do not have to pretend that everything feels fine. Their feelings should be listened to without making them feel responsible for the adults’ decision or for managing other people’s emotions.

It is also useful for the child to understand that different households may do some things differently. There may be different expectations about mealtimes, screen use, privacy, pets, bedrooms or household activities. These differences should be explained respectfully. The child should be told which expectations are important for safety and respect, and which everyday preferences may simply be different from what they are used to.

Before the move, the child should know that important information about their health, education, communication, identity and care needs will be shared with the respite carer on a need-to-know basis. This helps adults provide appropriate care while respecting the child’s privacy. The child should be able to raise concerns if information is inaccurate, if something has not been explained properly or if they feel uncomfortable about how personal information is being handled.

Children should be reminded of their rights and of the adults responsible for listening to them. They should know that they can talk about worries, ask for help and say when something does not feel safe. A child’s wishes cannot always determine the final plan, because adults must consider safeguarding and the wider care arrangements, but their views should be taken seriously and passed to the relevant professionals.

Practical preparation can make the change easier. Foster carers can help the child:

• write down questions before the arrangement begins;
• identify any important comfort items, communication aids or personal preferences;
• discuss food, allergies, medication, sleep needs and other health information;
• agree how the child can explain their usual routines or calming strategies;
• talk through what support is available if they become upset;
• learn the names and roles of the professionals involved in their care; and
• understand what they should do if they are worried about treatment, boundaries or safety.

Children should not be expected to give a full account of their history or care needs themselves. Adults should share relevant information carefully and should not ask the child to carry messages between households. The child can be encouraged to contribute, but responsibility for planning and communication remains with the adults and professionals.

Where appropriate, a visit, introduction or other familiarisation activity can help the child understand what to expect before respite starts. This should be handled at a pace the child can manage, with honest answers rather than promises that may not be possible to keep. Clear explanations, consistent information and opportunities to ask questions help a child approach respite care with a better understanding of their rights, responsibilities and sources of support.