How can foster carers support a young person questioning their sexuality?

A young person questioning their sexuality is exploring, or feels uncertain about, their sexual orientation. Foster carers should give them time and control over what they share, avoid making assumptions, and provide practical support without expecting them to choose a label or explain their feelings before they are ready.

Questioning can involve curiosity, changing feelings, concerns about attraction, or uncertainty about labels such as lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer. It does not necessarily mean that a young person has reached a conclusion. A carer’s role is not to identify their orientation or steer them towards one identity, but to make everyday life safe enough for them to explore their feelings at their own pace.

• Do not press for certainty: explain that they do not have to define themselves, disclose to anyone else, or use a particular label. If their language changes, treat this as part of their exploration rather than as inconsistency.
• Use neutral, inclusive language: avoid assuming that a future partner will be of a particular gender, and include different types of relationships naturally in conversation, books, television and family discussions.
• Protect their control over information: agree who, if anyone, needs to know what they have shared. Before discussing the subject with relatives, school staff or other professionals, explain the reason and involve the young person wherever safeguarding allows.
• Keep ordinary routines in place: questioning sexuality should not become the only focus of the placement. Support with school, friendships, hobbies, health, contact arrangements and independence remains important.
• Offer relevant resources: age-appropriate books, factual information and trusted support services can help a young person find language and reassurance without requiring them to attend a group or identify publicly.

It is important to distinguish between exploration and distress. A young person may be worried about rejection, harassment, family reactions, religious or cultural expectations, online exposure, or what disclosure could mean for their placement. Ask what would make things easier, rather than assuming that their sexuality is the cause of every change in mood or behaviour. Changes such as withdrawal, sleep problems, missing school, self-harm, substance use or talk of hopelessness should be taken seriously and shared through the agreed safeguarding and care-planning process.

Carers should never try to change a young person’s sexual orientation or arrange counselling intended to do so. So-called conversion practices are harmful and unacceptable. If the young person wants professional help, the supervising social worker and placing authority can help identify an appropriately qualified service. Healthcare support should be based on the young person’s needs, with consent and confidentiality explained in an age-appropriate way.

The wider household also needs clear boundaries. Other children should not be expected to keep secrets, provide emotional counselling or defend the young person. Instead, carers can establish household expectations about respectful language, privacy, visitors, phones, social media and discriminatory behaviour. Any concerns about a child’s safety, exploitation, coercion or contact with unsafe adults should be reported through the placement’s safeguarding arrangements, while avoiding blame or treating sexual orientation itself as a safeguarding concern.

Foster carers should record relevant facts rather than interpretations: what the young person has said, what support they requested, any incidents, and the actions agreed. Placement meetings and reviews can consider whether the young person has suitable privacy, inclusive education and healthcare access, safe contact arrangements, and support that reflects their wishes. The fostering team can also help carers think through difficult conversations with schools, birth family members and other professionals while keeping the young person’s welfare at the centre.

For prospective carers, the assessment and preparation process should cover equality, identity, confidentiality, safeguarding and how to challenge prejudice. Become A Foster Family supports applicants across the West Midlands, including Birmingham, Worcestershire, Staffordshire, Dudley, Sandwell, Herefordshire, Telford, Wolverhampton, Shropshire, Walsall, Warwickshire, Stoke, Solihull, Coventry and Gloucestershire, through teams based across the region and offices in Droitwich and Stoke.